turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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