It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
