Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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