They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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