you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
