Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
