Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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