Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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