What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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