and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
