im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
