How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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