cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
