are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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