you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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