dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
