last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so let's talk penis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
