Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
