It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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