Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
