I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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