The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
