I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
