when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
