i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
