Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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