I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
