Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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