3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
