I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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