I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
