could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the day after is always just damage control
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
