pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
