Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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