What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
