Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
