Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
