Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
3pm strippers are depressing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
