I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
