i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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