worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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