rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
