so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my poor anus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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