I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
