I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
