hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
