Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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