i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize