They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
