the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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