I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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