This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize