Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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