Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
