I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
