wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize