Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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