Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
