He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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