So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
