i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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