just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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