apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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