i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
