i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
