3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
