Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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