yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
