Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
