The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
