yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize