Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
