now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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