Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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